


Paper Walls

by oyequepaso



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: After 707's Route, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Drug Use, Mental Health Issues, Mild Language, My First AO3 Post, My First Work in This Fandom, Non-Graphic Violence, One Shot, POV Third Person, Past Child Abuse, Recovery, Sort of a Songfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-15
Updated: 2019-10-15
Packaged: 2020-12-16 19:10:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,448
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21041300
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oyequepaso/pseuds/oyequepaso
Summary: Recovery was not a linear process. Saeyoung knew there would be setbacks and relapses. He knew the war was far from over, and there would be victories both true and Pyrrhic in nature. He knew he’d need to keep his gloves laced up and keep fighting for his brother.But it seemed to him that the tide was slowly starting to turn in their favor.





	Paper Walls

**Author's Note:**

> Based on the song "Paper Walls" by Yellowcard. I did include a line from the song in the story, because it just fit so well. The Choi twins deserve so much happiness and this was a sort of outlet for me while we wait patiently for Ray's AE (although this technically takes place after 707's route).  
It's been a while since I've written anything, and this is the first time I've actually published something, so I will happily accept any constructive criticisms (but please be gentle).  
Thanks for taking the time to read!

Recovery, as Saeyoung was aware, was not a linear process. Nor was it a bell curve, a parabola, or anything else with a modicum of predictability-especially not when it came to his brother. Jumin had once described Saeran’s recovery as being “more volatile and unpredictable than stock market price fluctuations” after Saeyoung had given the rest of the RFA a status report on Saeran’s mental health.

While Saeyoung was, undeniably, incredibly intelligent, his comprehension of economics was minimal at best, and thus he had no idea what the hell that even meant.

But what he could be certain of was that his brother was like a ticking time bomb. At one moment, Saeran would go from a quiet, introverted roommate to, for lack of a better term, downright homicidal. Several times, Saeyoung found himself in the same position as he had shortly after sneaking his twin out of the hospital: pinned against the wall, with Saeran threatening his life in any number of ways, hands tightening around his throat until he was at the precipice of unconsciousness. Saeran would only release him when the edges of his vision started to completely darken.

It was fair enough, Saeyoung rationalized every time Saeran had a violent episode. If he hadn’t left his brother with their abusive, drunkard mother all those years ago…

He refused to dwell any further. He couldn’t change the past, and in that vein, it was pointless to even think about it. No amount of regret could undo the years of trauma that most people couldn’t even fathom in their nightmares. All he could do was try to guide his brother towards as bright a future as possible, and lord, was that proving to be quite the undertaking.

Still, Saeyoung refused to give up.

It was on one memorable evening where Saeran had, once again, flipped like a switch and was spitting venom into Saeyoung’s face as he held his older twin in a chokehold against the wall. Saeyoung was, once again, scared out of his goddamn mind. Statistically speaking, it was only a matter of time before Saeran killed him, and it seemed that virtually no progress had been made, despite his best efforts. He couldn’t even recall what set Saeran off this time, and he’d been keeping a close eye on his triggers so they could avoid this exact situation.

Evidently, he hadn’t done a great job-yet another thing he failed at when it came to looking out for his brother, he thought bitterly.

What was even more alarming was when Saeran immediately released his twin with an anguished cry, and Saeyoung could make out what looked like regret etched onto his face, deep sorrow and tears laden in his mint eyes. As he coughed and tried to get his lungs working again, he watched as Saeran immediately ran off and holed up in his room. That in and of itself wasn’t terribly unusual, but the abrupt end to the attack was…uncharacteristic, to say the least. Not unwelcome by any means-Saeyoung liked his windpipe uncrushed, thank you kindly-but uncharacteristic nonetheless. Up to that point, the confrontations ended with Saeran dropping him to the ground with a sneer and stalking off to his room. It never ended like…that.

With his back pressed against the wall, he slowly slid down to the ground, still trying to comprehend what the fuck had just happened. Inevitably, he began doing the one thing he promised himself he’d stop doing: dwelling. All the regrets, the guilt, and the failed promises came back in technicolor. Most notably, the most important promise he’d ever made to his twin: that he would never, ever be alone, that Saeyoung would always be by his side.

His mind was running full steam ahead, and the minutes dragged out to hours as he sat on the cold floor of his bunker, relishing in everything in his life he’d done wrong to condemn his brother to an existence fueled by hatred, fed nothing but lies and narcotics until he was reduced to just a shell of the boy he used to be. Eventually, his mind turned to the horrors of his childhood: the drunken beatings, the acrid stench of whiskey in the air, Saeran crying in pain as he received the brunt of the abuse…it was all ever-present in the background of Saeyoung’s mind, as much as he hated to admit it. He would rather just forget; would rather lock those memories in a box and throw that box into the fucking sun. 

But he couldn’t. Every episode was a clear reminder to Saeyoung that everything was his fault, his fault, _ his fault _.

Saeyoung had completely lost track of time. How many hours had passed? 2, or 20? He hadn’t looked at a clock in a considerable amount of time. He vaguely registered the dampness on his cheeks, the stinging in his eyes, and the tears spattered on the inside of his glasses. When did he start crying? _ Why _ did he start crying?

The only thing that managed to pull him out of his unwanted reverie was the sound of muffled sobbing coming from Saeran’s room. Saeyoung jumped to his feet and quickly wiped his eyes. He had no reason to cry; not when his brother was the one enduring a living nightmare every day.

He made his way to Saeran’s room without hesitation, thanking God that the door was unlocked when he tested the knob. What he saw made his heart clench.  
Saeran was twisting and turning, face pale and pallid. It must’ve been another night terror, Saeyoung deduced as he watched his younger twin writhe in his bed, whimpering and crying out “mother…I’m sorry…please don’t hurt me…”

And in a fit of either bravery or foolishness-likely both, given his brother’s violent temper-Saeyoung immediately climbed in the bed next to Saeran and cradled him in his arms, whispering “wake up, it’s okay, you’re safe”. As Saeran woke, he didn’t immediately punch Saeyoung’s lights out, as anticipated. Instead, he began sobbing harder and thrashing in his brother’s grasp, trying to break free. It broke Saeyoung’s heart, seeing Saeran in so much pain.

“You left me!” Saeran cried out, still fighting his brother’s grip. “You’re going to leave me again! You’re a goddamned liar! It’s not safe, not when I know you’ll just break your promises again! Let me go!”

Saeyoung steeled himself and held on tighter. “No. Saeran, I will never leave you. Not again. Not ever.” And he repeated his words like a mantra, all the while praying that those words he’d been uttering since he rescued his brother from Mint Eye would finally start to sink in.

As Saeran began to settle, his violent sobs giving way to choked gasps and his thrashing ceased, Saeyoung figured God must’ve heard his prayer. He gently stroked Saeran’s hair, trying his best to soothe the boy who, by now, had his face pressed into the front of Saeyoung’s shirt and had thoroughly drenched it with tears.

_“Hyung…”_ came Saeran’s broken voice. “I’m here,” he murmured. “Saeran, please, hear me now: you will never be alone.” As time passed, Saeran seemed to fall back asleep in his brother’s arms, yet Saeyoung stayed awake, keeping watch, hoping that the night terrors stayed at bay. Mercifully, they did.

The gravity of what had transpired was not lost on Saeyoung. As painful to watch as it was, he couldn’t deny that it was progress. Saeran had allowed himself to be consoled by his brother, to be reassured and comforted. The fact that he even allowed Saeyoung to touch him without giving him a bloody nose was incredible, as was the use of the honorific that the older twin hadn’t even realized he missed. He couldn’t even recall the last time Saeran had regarded him in that manner-it was well before they’d been torn apart and Saeran brainwashed into hating him, that was for sure.

Saeyoung continued his reassurances throughout the night, continually promising that he would never, ever leave Saeran again. And as the inky black night gave way to an orange-tinted sunrise, Saeyoung knew that they would be okay. Maybe not that day, or the next day, or even a year from then-but the day would come when they would be okay.

Recovery was not a linear process. Saeyoung knew there would be setbacks and relapses. He knew the war was far from over, and there would be victories both true and Pyrrhic in nature. He knew he’d need to keep his gloves laced up and keep fighting for his brother.

But it seemed to him that the tide was slowly starting to turn in their favor.


End file.
